The Lucky Ones
by Beast of Honor
Summary: Faye's thoughts on herself and everyone on the Bebop. Life behind the vixen. Not what one would expect. Rated R for Language, Violence and Sexual Situations. Antidepressants not included.
1. Naked

The Lucky Ones - One - **Naked**

__

"Every time it rains, you're here in my head."

- Kate Bush

Disgusting cold water swallowed me, as I sunk deep into the tub and tried to wash everything away. Oh, if only that were possible. If only there was some kind of miracle drug one could take to lose everything they hated. I'd love that.

I fumbled underneath the calm blue waves for the dying bar of soap resting somewhere beneath me. When I felt it, I slowly massaged it. I could feel the dents being created. I picked it up and slowly squished it in my hands as thick pieces of ivory pushed through my fingers. I felt that the soap has soaked me up. It couldn't understand me, so it collapsed.

I don't blame it.

Sighing, I closed my eyes and smiled at the thought of being able to leave this place. I'd run to a location where I can bathe in warm water nightly; where the soap won't crumble beneath me, to a place where I wouldn't be thought of as "Faye the bitch". 

I still dream, but I only wake up crying.

Of course, having someone to love couldn't hurt either. I wish there was someone who would lie beside me. I yearn for anyone's fingertips to run along the curves of my body and not be frightened if I started to cry. I want to sleep beside this man and feel perfect, only to wake up in the morning and hate the world all over again. That wouldn't matter anymore, because he'd hate the world with me.

There was a loud impatient knock at the door which interrupted my train of thought.

I slammed my hand on the side of the tub. "What do you want?!"

"You're not the only one on this ship, Faye."

It was Spike. I couldn't name the numerous ways I've wanted to throw this man against the wall and kick him until he pleaded for me to stop. He thought of me as nothing.

Trying to ignore him, I closed my eyes and settled back down into the water. I tried to relax, thought how does one relax in ice?

"Damn it, Faye!" 

His voice was cruel.

"I heard you Spike; I'll be out in a minute! Jesus."

He finally gave up and walked away. I listened for his echoing footsteps, and when they were inaudible, I stepped out of the tub and stared down at the water I have contaminated. My reflection looked muddy.

My hair strands dripped cold water down the side of my face, which trickled from my chin and died on my breasts. I felt so unholy and unwomanly in this state. Blinking at my reflection, and flinching when the water swims down the drain I think to myself. How is it possible to ever feel pretty? It hurts, sometimes. 

.

Clutching the yellow towel around my body, I stepped into the living room and hid behind the wall for awhile. I saw Spike sitting on the couch eating whatever Jet throws at him. He shuffled through the green bell peppers angrily and examined everything before placing it into his mouth.

That's how it was with Spike. He needed everything to be so perfect; a nitpicker.

His long slender fingers grasped the two wooden chopsticks carefully, whilst his other large hand held the container of food. His reddish-brown eyes encircled the vegetables. The food was burnt. He ate it anyway.

A piece of dark green hair dangled freely out of place and I suddenly had the urge to comb it down for him; to run my fingers against his scalp and tell him that I was finished with my bath. 

But wait, who was I kidding? He'd probably only push me away and take his dish to the kitchen.

I sighed. 

"I'm finished"

Walking lazily past the couch and onto my room he spoke to me with his mouth full of chewed peppers. 

"You better have left the tub clean."

I paused. I could've lost it right then and there. Today, I wasn't feeling so well, but I doubt anyone could tell. I bit my lip and replied.

"You don't deserve what's clean." 

With that, I entered my room, flung off my towel and plopped down naked on my dead mattress. I wondered what he thought when I said that, but then I remembered that I didn't care.

The ship was hot, and because of the remaining water droplets on my body, I couldn't tell if I was sweating or not. A strange feeling of emotion rushed over me, and for no reason at all I huddled up and started to cry. I didn't know what the tears were for. I guess it was just the simple fact that I was tired of being alone. Of being doubted all the time. I was tired of being Faye Valentine. 


	2. Detergent

****

The Lucky Ones - 2 - Detergent

__

"I'm not what you think I am. I'm anything but the picture you've taken."  
- Joydrop

After my outburst I decided that lying around would get me nowhere. What was wrong with me anyway? There were things to be done. I rolled out of bed and collected my clothes in one big heap. Once again, I carelessly wrapped the damp towel around me, too lazy to get dressed.  
  
The cold tile of the hall burned my feet. I walked past the bathroom and heard the shower blasting cold water down Spike's back. I could smell fields of fresh grass and flowers as the scent of soap leaks through the cracks in the door. Continuing on, I stop at the washer and dryer.  
  
"Hellloooo Faye!"   
  
Lifting the lid of the washer I dump my clothes in and reach for the box of cheap detergent. Grains of white and blue spill out as I tip it over. I can barely get a whiff of the "New and Improved!" smell of it. Whatever. I just needed my clothes clean.  
  
"Hi Ed." I answer without looking up.   
  
She was walking down the hall carrying a metal device in her hand. Her reddish orange hair spiked up, and she had a couple of grease stains on her face. No doubt she's been hanging out with Jet while he worked on the Redtail.   
  
Before I knew it, she had run up to me, wrapping her bronze arms around my waist and giving me a tight hug. I gasp and press the towel to my chest to keep it from falling off.  
  
"Ni-nice to see you too Ed." I choked as I struggled to breathe.  
"Look what Edward has!" She spoke thrusting the box into my free hand.   
"It's a "Faye detector!" Now I can tell wherever you are!"  
  
She smiled widely, her curious yellow eyes swimming with glee.  
  
I had to admit. She was a good person. She had always cared about me. Since when was the last time anyone gave a flip on where I was? I looked down at the device and saw a purple blinking dot indicating where I was on a map of the Bebop. She was creative. If only I had that kind of talent when I was her age. Oh, if only I had that careless happy feeling every moment I was alive.  
  
"Hmm." I smile and laugh gingerly. "Very nice Ed."  
  
Handing it back, I continue with my laundry.   
  
"Yeah, only took Ed Wong about 5 seconds to come up with it! Beware!! Now I know where you'll be at every moment!" She replied, wiggling her fingers in front of my face and speaking in a low-pitched voice.  
  
"SPOOKY!" She added grabbing it from me. She then ran back towards the living room.  
  
Shutting the lid, I rest my arms on the washer. I can feel vibrations flow from my arms up to my face as the water comes out. I smile to myself. I don't know if it's pathetic to admit that a 23-year-old bounty hunter depends on a 13-year-old to be there as a friend.   
  
Bounty Hunter. Hmpfh. I wish it were that easy to call myself that. The joy of blowing up buildings is such a wonderful rush, almost like being told you're beautiful before you blow the brains out of a criminal head. Truth is, sometimes I'm afraid. Afraid of getting caught for my long due debts. I'm afraid of getting hurt and not being able to laugh it off. It's almost an incredible fear of being forgotten while I sit behind bars eating trays of mush that officers throw at me. What can I say? I'm afraid of being afraid.  
  
I sigh and close my eyes listening to the soft hum below me.  
  
"It's done Faye."   
  
Jet's husky voice entered the hall as he walked past me wiping the grime and tool grease off his hands with a dirty yellow rag.   
  
Jet. Where would I be without him? Despite the many times I've screwed up around him, I have a feeling that he has this deep guilt for me. He repairs all that is broken, no matter how many times he needs to. His appearance was rough and to be honest I was a little intimidated by the tall muscle bound man. Underneath him though, I could sense gentleness. It's hard to explain, but sometimes when I speak to him it's as if he's my father. A natural born leader. The God of the Bebop. He was a thoughtful and sensitive person and I was more than shocked to learn that he would rather attend to his beloved Bonsai plants than savagely hunt down others. Still, he could get pretty angry, but most of the time he's good at keeping his cool.  
  
"Keep in mind that this is the last time I'm…"  
"…going to fix the Redtail. I know Jet. And thanks a lot. I really do appreciate it."   
  
He cocks an eyebrow at me, and stops rubbing his skin. The scar embedded on his face can almost make him look angry no matter what expression he had.  
  
"Yeah, just don't let it happen again."  
  
The moment of peaceful silence ended when the bathroom door swung open.  
  
"I thought someone was taking up the water."   
  
Spike walked towards the washing machine, his hair dripping wet clinging to his head. A white towel wrapped tightly around his waist as I accidentally let my eyes wander to his tight chest. I then snapped back when I felt the vibrations below me stop as he turned the machine off.  
  
"Hey, hey! What are you doing? I need my clothes cleaned!"  
"Yeah, well I didn't decide to wash every article of clothing I had when you were using OUR water!"  
"No, but you did interrupt my relaxation with your annoying door pounding and snide remarks!"  
  
I felt angry with him. Maybe I was just angry with myself. Either way it was so easy to target   
Spike. I could tell he got a joy out of pissing me off. He'd yell at me, but I could never see one color of anger in his dark brown eyes. That seemed to anger me more. I wonder if he thought of me as helpless? Poor defenseless little Faye. No. I was a criminal and at this point I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs.  
  
'Will you two knock it off?" Jet broke between our feud like a parent silencing two fighting siblings. I felt like reaching my arms out and blindly clawing at Spike. Then again, there were times when I felt like throwing myself at him. Letting him thrust me against the wall, rip my clothes off and have his way with me.   
I blushed at the thought and stopped arguing with the two men.  
  
"Doesn't matter anyway Queenie." Spike answered after awhile. "I'm done anyway." He walked past me, not taking his eyes off of mine until we were back to back.   
  
Soon enough I was alone again with my wet clothes. I thought to myself about leaving. Not just taking the money and running off. No. This would be different. I'd leave everything how it is. Leave the Bounty Hunters their money and fly away in my ship. The only one who can accept me is myself. And do I care? No. It's just that letting this feeling linger can drive a person mad.

****


	3. Toast!

****

The Lucky Ones - 3 - Toast!

__

"We can't afford to be innocent."  
- Pat Benatar

Dreaming is like being at the movies. You can have whatever you want. You can get hurt, you can smile, and it can all happen in a split-second shot. In this case, I am an actress. My name is Faye Valentine, I am beautiful, strong and my hair flows magnificently in the wind like most actresses hair does. I have everything I want. Money, someone to wake up with, a best friend, most importantly, I smile in every scene.  
  
"Who cares if she's not going to wake up? More food for us."  
  
I heard the bathroom door shut. Spike's voice was like the scissors that rips apart gentle film.   
  
He was speaking to Jet, who was cooking the Bebop crew's morning breakfast.   
  
I closed my eyes and buried the side of my face deeper into my pillow. The soft fabric stroked my cheeks and the detergent had no affect on my senses whatsoever. Running my fingers   
down the light blue sheets, I remember that I had plans for last night. I was supposed to leave. Where? I don't know. Anywhere but here. I let my fingers fall into the dents of the fabric and realize I was too busy hating everyone in the world.  
  
Suddenly, my room door swished open.  
  
"Good Morning Faye-faye! Edward Wong is here to tell you that your breakfast is ready!"  
  
The petite 13-year old stood in front of me like a drill sergeant. Her bronze hand was placed just above her eyebrow, her two legs held tightly together.  
  
"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute."  
  
I answer lazily turning my back to her.  
  
"No!" She came close to my bed and whispered in my ear. "Better get out there before lunk-head eats it up!"   
  
With that, she ran out of my room leaving the door open. I moaned into the blankets. The bathroom door opened and Spike walked out wearing a thin loose white shirt and his training pants. He was wiping his wet hands under the dirty fabric strewn to his chest. He peeked into my room and smirked when he saw my lifeless body sprawled onto the mattress.  
From my position I can hear Jet and Spike speak of hunting down a bounty later on tonight. Ed's voice almost covered theirs as she noisily ate and threw pieces of whatever was out there to Ein.   
  
I fumbled out of bed and walked in a zombie-like state to the living room. All three of them were out there. As usual. Spike sitting on the couch eating, Ed playing with Ein and Jet leaning against the wall with a cigarette between his lips.   
  
Everyone was well groomed except myself. I blushed at my disheveled appearance.   
  
"It's in the kitchen, Faye." Jet answered, his deep voice breaking the sounds of the morning.   
  
The morning was pretty much like any other. I got dressed, ate and sat around wondering what to do next. I knew that Spike was planning on keeping me uninformed on the latest bounty. I didn't care really, however I had the sudden urge to torture someone and since   
  
Spike is a hunter himself, following this bounty couldn't hurt.

.

It was 1:30 in the morning and I waited by my room door pressed up against the wall as if trying to blend in with the blue waves surrounding me. Ed was fast asleep on the couch; she was a heavy sleeper no doubt, so I didn't have to worry about her catching me.  
  
I could hear Spike fumbling around with something out there as Jet prepared the Swordfish II. Patting the side of my leg, I fondled my gun attached to my thigh and smiled. It felt good doing something bad. After awhile, I stepped out the room and coincidentally ran into the lanky man who was messing with the mechanism of his own gun.   
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
His voice was as if he expected me to burst out.  
  
"I'm coming with you." I answered buttoning my red shirt to keep the space air from biting me.   
"No you're not." He replied calmly, tucking his gun underneath his jacket.  
  
We'll see about that.  
  
I raced in front of him and hopped into the Redtail.  
  
Glaring at him as he walked past me into his own ship, I could hear him tell Jet I was too   
childish to do anything.  
  
Hmm. Childish. Right. I re-checked my gun and counted the bullets loaded inside.   
  
"1 - 2 -3 4…"  
  
I heard a loud rap as Spike knocked on my window harshly.   
  
"Fine! You can come, but you better not screw this up!" He yelled through the sound of roaring engines as his cigarette dangled from his lips.  
  
I pointed my gun to him and gave a fake shot. He gave a sarcastic grin and entered the   
Swordfish II.  
  
We were now diving out into space. Getting lost in all the black that was our environment.   
  
Stars danced around us like diamonds and I almost felt at peace. Thin white clouds of cold air hugged the Redtail, and I smiled. Then, a red ship zipped past me as Spike hurriedly made his way to Jupiter.   
  
I sighed.  
  
"Whatever you want, Space Cowboy."


	4. Jupiter

****

The Lucky Ones - 4 - Jupiter

__

"I wish I could know the directions that I take."  
- Hoobastank  
  
  
  
Jupiter. Famous for it's skin-numbing winds and harsh thunderstorms. The environment seems dead. Bent road signs greet us on every corner of the street, and vacant building windows hold the reflection of the both of us.  
  
Spike walks quickly, the 1 inch heels of his boots clunk against the cold pavement and echo throughout the planet. I hug myself and try to keep up with his quick pace. For almost no reason at all, I feel like I have to break the silence.  
  
"So, what's the story on this guy?"  
"Murderer. Poor Bastard has nothing better to do with his time."  
  
I smiled.  
  
He didn't answer with a harsh tone like I expected. Maybe I should keep the conversation going.  
  
"No offense Spike, but I don't think we're going to find him here. What makes you think he's here anyway?"  
  
He sighed.  
  
"Jet and Ed make me think that, Faye."  
  
Suddenly, there's a rumble of nearby trash cans. Tin lids hit the ground and garbage spills onto the street. Spike abruptly stops talking and presses me against a building as he quickly draws his gun.  
  
I stand beneath his body and inhale his scent. Rather than focusing on the killer, Spike Spiegel is my mission.  
  
"Shit."  
  
He tucks his gun under his jacket and continues walking. I look at the trash cans and see a band of alleycats worshiping dead lettuce and dry fish bones.  
  
"A little jumpy, aren't we?"  
"Hmph. If that was the killer, you would've gotten your butt nailed."  
  
He replied lighting a cigarette.  
  
The wind was picking up and we have been pacing around not knowing what was going on. Well, I didn't know what was going on.  
  
"This is the spot."  
  
Spike spoke and flicked his cigarette onto tall blades of grass which we stood on.  
  
"Huh?"  
"This is where he hides out. I say we sit here and wait for the creep."  
"How do you know he frequents this area of Jupiter."  
"Because Jet told me to watch for a shitty looking bridge."  
"A-ha, and exactly where is this bridge, Mr. Bounty Hunter?"  
  
Forcefully, Spike grabs my chin and directs me to a broken down bridge. I blush. Why didn't I see that?   
  
"I was kidding Spike, I saw it. Lighten up."  
  
I heard him murmur something about liking to work alone. He took his blue jacket off, laid it onto the swaying grass and rested on top of it, his hands behind his head. I watched his chest lightly rise and fall. The sound of his breathing almost covered the sound of crickets and wind. I've never seen him look so peaceful. I wanted to tell him everything I felt. How nobody takes me seriously. How sometimes I cry at night. How I feel sensitive, but love to see blood pour from felons.  
  
"Spike, I...."  
  
He continued watching his foot dance, while it's placed atop his leg. I can tell he's listening though. His dark blue leather boot moves from side to side to a song only he can hear. Remembering that I have nothing to say, I reach into my own pocket and pull out the sweet paper we all crave. After awhile, his foot stops moving and he looks at me.  
  
"What did you want?"  
"I um. Nothing. Uh, I mean. Got a light?"  
  
He pulled the silver box out and quickly brought a light orange flame to my face. I moved close and inhaled. Examining his long slender fingers I count every crease and notice how pale his hands were. I wanted to hold them in mine. To let him explore my body with those fingertips. But no, I can't. "Faye doesn't feel."  
  
"How are you supposed to watch out for this crook with your head buried in the grass?" I ask rudely, my smoke surrounding us.  
"Well, that's what you came for right? Heh. This'll be easier than I thought."  
  
He shot at the stars with his fake finger gun and smiled.  
  
I let out a growl and pull at the strands of grass. I keep my eyes focused on the bridge, waiting for this man. I won't disappoint Spike. I'll show him that I know what the hell I'm doing.  
  
The night became colder and colder, and before we knew it little drops of rain were hitting our faces. He didn't seem to mind though. His body just rested there, his hands neatly placed on his chest. His eyes were focused on the sky. He was probably making wishes. Either that, or he was thinking of Julia. Damn her.  
  
I've thought about Julia. How she was so beautiful. How her hair blonde, soft and gorgeous. Her thin lips which always curved into wicked smiles. Her gentle eyes which could throw anyone under a spell. Ivory skin and neatly trimmed fingernails.  
  
I'm nothing like that.  
  
I close my eyes and let the raindrops roll down my cheeks. It was almost like crying, without the embarrassment of being seen. I could've cried though. No one would notice. When I looked up again, I saw a shadowy figure walking across the bridge.  
  
"This is it." I thought. "This is my chance."  
  
I drew my gun slyly, making sure Spike couldn't see what I was doing. I rolled onto my stomach and hid the barrel between the long green blades. When I got a clear shot I fired for this man's legs three times. I just had to knock him down.  
  
Bang. Bang. BANG!


	5. Failed

****

The Lucky Ones - 5 - Failed

__

"Strike me down, give me everything you've got. Strike me down, I'll be everything I'm not."  
- Sneaker Pimps

Blue gunsmoke engulfed my eyesight and for a moment all I could do was hear. I heard Spike scramble to his feet, surprised by the shots. I heard him scream profanities as he chased after this bastard's ship, shooting at it. Then suddenly, I could smell failure. I realized that I had missed the man by a few inches and only ended up gunning down the wooden bridge letting him know there were bounty hunters lounging in the grass.   
  
I screwed it up. Damn.  
  
Looking down at my gun, I checked my clip and then tucked it away back in it's holster. It was raining now and in the distance I could still hear the lanky man yelling.   
  
"Shit! You cocksucker!"  
  
Spike crazily pulled grass from the ground and threw it towards the ship. He was enraged and it's safe to say I was afraid of him then. When he was done yelling and throwing things at the now empty sky he walked right past me. I looked up at him through soiled purple strands like a defenseless child. He continued walking on towards his ship, smoke trailing from his lips. He smoked to show victory, he smoked to show he didn't care. He smoked to show he was calm, but I know Spike. When he was mad he'd slowly kill himself with those.

.

It was warm on the ship and Jet and the now awake Edward sat there awaiting us. Jet was propped up against the couch a cigarette looked so small in his huge hands. Ed played with Ein chasing him back and forth on all fours.   
  
"So, how'd it go?"  
  
Jet walked towards us, his eyes inquiring.  
  
Spike said nothing. Instead he calmly removed his jacket and sprawled out on the couch.   
  
"Did you get him? Did you get that bad man? Yaay! Now we can eat!!"  
  
Ed danced around me making up words to a song about woolongs.   
  
The husky man's lips curved into a smile. The lines around his eyes showed his true age and he really did look impressed.  
  
"We uh. No. We didn't get him."  
  
My voice must've been like firecrackers to their ears. Ed stopped dancing, Jet stopped smiling and Spike sighed loudly.  
  
"You shouldn't have let her go."  
  
He sat up. I looked at him.  
  
"What?"  
"You heard me Faye. I'm at my best when I work alone."  
"Is that right? Well why didn't you stop me yourself?!"  
  
My voice was raising and he cringed and looked at me angrily.  
  
"I don't know why you're acting like this is my fault! You're the reason we lost that damn bounty! You shouldn't even be on this ship!" He spat at me. I could see all the rage and frustration built up in his discolored eyes.  
  
"It's not always my fault!" I shouted back. "Is it so hard to admit that people, including you, make mistakes? There will be more bounties!"  
  
Jet stood there silently, too engulfed in the intense argument. Even Ed watched with curious, innocent eyes as we fought.   
  
Spike smirked.  
  
"Oh yeah? Well I have an idea. How 'bout you unbutton your shirt a little more and make us some good money? That's all you're good for anyway."  
  
He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and began walking away. I didn't know what to say then. Is that what Spike thought of me? I wanted to scream but my mouth was dry. I wanted to turn around and run away but my legs felt frozen. Instead, I reached out quickly grabbed his arm and turned him to face me.  
  
Without a second thought, I pushed my arm and slammed my hand against his cheek.  
  
The sound of skin echoed through the silent ship as his cigarette fell in slow motion to the ground, landing with a powerful "thud".  
  
Every member of the Bebop was glued in place. Jet watched with intent eyes and Ed sat there, her mouth hanging open.  
  
I wanted to apologize and softly stroke the red mark on his long slender face. Instead, I bit my lip and held my head high. Clenching my fists, I had to appear strong in front of Spike who looked like he was going to attack me.  
  
He didn't though. His lips curved into a cruel smile, his discolored eyes calm. He broke the silence.  
  
"Hmph. You might want to try that again Faye, because I didn't feel a thing."  
  
His voice was like a thousand needles stabbing my delicate eardrums. His form became blurry as my eyes started to water.  
  
"And what do you feel Spike? Huh?!" My voice was breaking and I couldn't see. "Julia? Do you feel Julia? Well I'm glad she was taken from you!" I screamed. A feminine voice had never sounded so horrid. I turned and ran to my room, tears running down my face like raindrops sliding down a rooftop.

.

Slamming the door behind me, I slid down to the floor and cried in my hands. I left them all out there. Jet, thinking of something to say. Ed trying to erase the violence through the entertainment of her Tomato. And there was Spike. Frozen in time. Anger and sadness built in his alive, yet dead eyes.   
  
Spike didn't feel me. He never will, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do.


	6. Lost

****

The Lucky Ones - 6 - Lost   
  
  
  
_"This is the last smile that I'll fake for the sake of being with you."  
_- Linkin Park  
  
  
  
I'd rather experience 1,700 needles poking through my eyes, than to have to feel these cold tears running down my face.  
  
I've been sitting against my door for hours. There was only one interruption, but when I ignored it, Ed gave up with her pointless knocking.  
  
I listening to the Swordfish as Spike sped off from the Bebop angrily. Destination: Unknown. For some reason, listening to his wheels hit the gravel below and smelling the fuel leaking through every door crack on this ship has made me feel worse. But wait, why did I care? I tried replaying his insults over and over in my mind, but there was something blocking me from forgetting him.  
  
I hated him though. I hated the fact that he found sunlight in someone else's eyes. How he'd rather dance on water with Julia or himself. No one else. Never me. I hate how he'd always add his sarcastic humor to the most serious and delicate of situations. I hated knowing that his fingertips would never run down my body. How I almost knew for certain that his thin lips would never be pressed against mine. I hate how I can't accept the fact that his eyes and mine would always see different worlds. I hate myself for wanting him near me on this planet.  
  
I hate it so much.

.

It's been 2 days since he's been gone and quite frankly no one here seems to care. I've asked Jet if he was coming back but all he would do is tell me that Spike is hard to understand. No one would ever know if he was here to stay, or if he was only born to confuse people that care about him.   
  
It's meaningless to sit here all day and try to understand things that never made sense to begin with. Even though I wasn't out there at the time I can still picture every little facial expression he had when he left us. His eyebrows must've lowered as he grabbed his used jacket and stormed towards his red vehicle. His hair, still a little wet from the raindrops embedded on his skin would limply dangle across his forehead, his green strands were almost long enough to cover his eyes and complicate his vision.  
  
He probably cursed to himself as he zoomed off, only thinking of me as the heartless bitch that I always appeared to be. With that thought in mind I closed my eyes slowly, trying to press my own liquids back into my body, but they seeped out through my lashes and slammed against the cold tile below me.  
I don't know where you are Spike, but please come back.

.

The crimson neon numbers of my clock read 3:32 a.m.  
  
I couldn't sleep. I've gone weeks without going crazy and right now seemed like the perfect time to let loose. Moaning, I rolled over on my side and listened to the deafening silence. He's been gone for quite some time now, longer than 2 days no doubt and the thought of watching the news to discover the lanky bastard was finally found some place dead was enough to make me want to die.  
  
I can't take this anymore.   
  
Rolling out of bed I quickly put my shoes on, collected a warm jacket and nestled into the seat of my Redtail. I didn't know where he was, but I was going to find him. I'll search blindly and visit every planet and star in this galaxy if I have to. I couldn't let someone like Spike get away. I can't keep everything about me bottled up.

.

There's only one place left to visit and I'm afraid that for some reason I won't find him here.   
  
It was Jupiter. The place otherwise known as my failure. Empty and cold as usual, metal street signs shaking in the numbing wind. Everyone was asleep.   
  
Everything was haunting.  
  
I walked past vacant buildings once more, afraid to look at my reflection in the dirty windows of these brokendown shops. I didn't want to see what I look like. It'd be like looking at a picture of a broken girl. Almost like a doll with missing body parts. There was nothing left of me and I feel that if I don't have someone to understand me soon I'll collapse and end everything about me.  
  
Sighing, I shook off the thought of a quick suicide and continued walking towards the bridge.  
  
My white boots crunched the frozen grass below, while some longer stands scratched blindly at my cold knees. I shivered and pulled my jacket around me tighter for extra warmth. It was almost impossible to be warm here, though. I became so lost in my thinking that I failed to notice Spike's ship parked a little more ahead of me. Such a used machine has never looked more beautiful. I smiled and began running towards it.  
Then suddenly, it came to me. I might have found his ship, but what if he wasn't there? There was no way to tell from my distance and I didn't really care. Just seeing the Swordfish resting peacefully in the swaying grass was enough to calm me down for the moment.

****


	7. Hunter

****

The Lucky Ones - 7 - Hunter

__

"This is my December. This is my time of the year."  
-Linkin Park

Huge, metal crimson wings peek from the grass. I can't see the whole thing, but it's enough to tell me that it's Spike's vehicle. His second home. His only choice to get away from us.   
When I'm close enough to touch it, I hurriedly run up to the windshield and look into it. A small flashlight rests on the leather seat, on the other side of the ship the door sits open, undisturbed.   
  
Walking to the other side, I step into the Swordfish and crazily fumble through his belongings, as if I were to find him hidden underneath a small paper map. After a while, I give up and settle into the seat. He wasn't in here. Where the hell was he? On the dashboard in front of me was his fingerless gloves. I picked them up and put them on. I never noticed before how big his hands were compared to mine. They were so oversized, it was ridiculous. I closed my eyes and sunk deeper into the cold chair. Spike. Where are you?  
  
"Don't MOVE!"  
  
A freezing gun was pressed harshly against my cheek. It was too dark and I was too afraid to turn my head and see who it was.   
  
"What are you doing in HERE?!?"  
  
Suddenly, I recognized that voice.

.

"Spike." My voice was breaking, and it was obvious that I was scared shitless, pondering whether he hated me enough to blow my head off right then and there.  
  
He pulled the gun away quickly and grabbed the bottom of my chin turning me to face him. It hurt, but I didn't complain. It felt good to have his hands on me, even if he was meaning to cause me amounts of pain that I could never erase. He moved out of the doorway and coldly grabbed my arm.   
  
"Get out."  
"Spike. I need to talk to you."  
  
I crawled out of the seat but stood in front of the doorway blocking him from getting in. He tried to push me away, but I wasn't moving.  
  
"Are you coming back to the Bebop?"  
"What do you care?"  
"I don't care. I'm just..just wondering. I mean, with you gone maybe Ed could finally have a room."  
  
I smiled, but noticed that my jokes were having no effect on him.  
  
"It's all hers." He added stepping towards me and trying to push me aside once more. Feeling his body heat against mine was enough to let me die happy. He was so close that I could almost feel his breath breathing down on my lips. So warm. Without a second thought, I pulled him closer to me and embraced him. I didn't know what I was doing, and he obviously didn't, since he stood there with his arms limply dangling at his sides. I didn't let go. I lightly dug my fingernails into the soft fabric of his jacket and almost froze in place when I felt his arms rise to embrace me back. He wasn't going to touch me though. He only did it to push me away.  
  
"Please Spike. Even if you don't feel it, just let me have this moment. After this, you can leave if you want to. I just can't keep letting things in my life slip away."  
  
He sighed and covered his face in one hand.  
  
"I don't get it. What do you want from me, Faye?"  
  
His voice was so cruel. I felt dumb for wanting anything physical from him. Even if I were to experience him tonight, I'd feel him, but he'd probably be feeling someone else.  
  
"A night with me? Is that what you want? You got it."  
  
He walked to a farther end of his ship, leaned against the steel of it and slid down to the cold wet grass below. My eyes watered up as I watched him light a cigarette and blow his contaminating smoke into the dark brown earth surrounding us.  
  
From the way he was acting, I didn't want to spend time with him. I wanted to be as far away from him as I possibly could be. It all didn't make sense. I always had the need to be near him, but whenever I was close enough to touch him I was in hell. It was a vicious cycle either way and I'm not sure if there's anything to pull me from this desperate wheel. I had to enjoy this feeling though. I had to suck it up and pretend I was happy to be near the bastard, because in all honesty, I was happy.

.

Smashing small ice crystals beneath my feet I walked to him and sat down next to him. I was as close as I could get, without actually being on top of the man. What surprised me was that he didn't mind. He continued inhaling his cigarette and staring ahead at his next destination, as if a black sky could tell it to us. I wanted to break the silence and apologize for the scene I made on the ship earlier. I know the whole thing wasn't my fault, but I couldn't help but feel that it was. Even if I tried to say I was sorry, the words wouldn't come out right. I tried to, anyway.  
  
"I didn't mean all that happened earlier."  
  
I looked down at the ground and slowly trailed my eyes from his long outstretched legs to his crossed arms and empty eyes. He didn't say anything at first, but then he pulled his cigarette from his lips.  
  
"Good to know."  
  
I couldn't tell if he was sarcastic or if he actually meant that, and I would probably never know. Oh well, at least I got out what I needed to say. I pulled his gloves off of my trembling hands and dropped them into his lap.  
  
"Well, if you're going to leave. You'll need these."   
  
I sat up and dusted the dry grass off of my clothing and slowly began to walk away.   
  
"Yeah, it was nice knowing you, partner." He added, retrieving his gloves and tucking them into the pocket of his pants. He still rested on the ground, the only thing I could see from my 7 inch distance was the orange flicker of his smoke. What am I doing? Was I just going to leave him sitting there? Was I going to let him find another soul to hurt and forget? I walked back towards him.  
  
"Are you actually going to let it end this way?"  
  
My voice was angry, but it wasn't raised. After a moment's thought, he flicked his finished cigarette away and stood up. He walked over to me and stared at me. I couldn't see his reflection well, but I had the feeling that he could sense everything I was feeling. My excitement for having him near me. My anger for him not touching me. And my fear that he was going to ignore this moment and walk onto his ship.  
  
He didn't walk away though. His hands slowly raised up, his cold fingers wrapping around my shoulders. He softly pushed me against the ship and came in closer. He then embraced me. His musky scent was intoxicating. I moved my hand and entangled my fingers into his hair. So soft. I then let my fingers trail down onto his neck. He didn't flinch from my ice-bound fingertips. He continued holding to me. I must've sent out 1000 prayers to God to never let this moment end. And, if it had to end I'd want it to be imprinted in my memory so it was the only thing I could remember. From the first time I wake up, until the time I lay down to die.

.

We both didn't know what we were doing, but we both wanted what was happening. Before we knew it, we were becoming trapped in the dry grass. His body rested on top of mine as he calmly, yet hurriedly released the buttons on my shirt. His large hands felt so beautiful as he traced my skin with his fingertips. Oh, how it tickled. He pressed his lips against my stomach and began to leave the most wonderful trails of kisses on me. I ruffled my hands in his hair. He knew exactly what he was doing and he was good at it. What else could I expect though? It was Spike Spiegel. The most skilled hunter. There was nothing he could fail at.   
  
Soon enough, he had entered me. I'd never felt something so wonderful in my whole life. It was like being born all over again and never knowing what the words ugly or hurt meant. Feeling him over me gave me a sense of security that I've always wanted but was never lucky enough to have. It seemed though, on this night September 2, I had everything I wanted.   
  
We laid there for hours, keeping each other warm. I had managed to bring a smile to his lips and he was no longer afraid to reach out and touch me. He pulled me close to keep me warm, and we both fell asleep drowning in all the pain we had just killed. He called me his partner and it was true. We were partners. We had just defeated what was plotting to destroy us, individually. Lonliness, sadness, frustration.   
  
But wait, what if he hadn't forgot about moving on? What if he only did this to make me happy? Would he be gone by the time I awoke? Would I only be nestled in this grass in the morning to awake and find his dead cigarette from the night before resting in front of my eyes? I wanted to wake him up and ask him what his plans were. I squeezed his hand and he squeezed back tighter. I thought I heard something, but ignored it and fell asleep. Little did I know that he was behind me crying. Silently screaming. I don't know why, but it hurt to feel his tears freeze on my shoulders.


	8. Frustration

****

The Lucky Ones - 8 - Frustration

__

"You never said forever, could ever hurt like this."  
- Sneaker Pimps

It seems that being alive isn't worth the struggle, because we only learn to live when we are dead and gone.  
  
Sure, we have our moments. Those days of pleasure and happiness. The times we can actually smile and say that everything is fine, without feeling like we're telling a lie.  
  
The world has changed me. People have changed me. I yearn to be alone, but I can't help but wonder what type of punishment I would receive for taking so many inhuman lives.  
  
The sun was rising above the dusty blue mountains, and the smell of ice and engine fuel in the morning was a wonderful scent.   
I rolled over and looked at Spike. I noticed how the rays of light discovered colors in his hair, which I had never seen before. His eyelashes, the tiny hairs that of a fine paintbrush laid out evenly over his sleeping eyes. His lips, drawn on by some artistic God who was blessing him into a world of permanent smiles. And that's when I saw the tears. Those ugly pale trails on his cheeks that left a dry shine only his fingertips could erase.  
  
I've asked myself over and over "Why do we cry?" Some say we do it to let everything out. It's almost like shedding away hurt and grief in a liquid form. Crying only makes me look like a fool. I just wish I didn't do it so often. But wait, why am I awake thinking? It's barely the early morning hours and I doubt that even Jet is awake.  
  
I closed my eyes and pulled his jacket over our naked bodies. Spike probably had the same questions as me, but wasn't really interested in finding an answer. I'll always have questions and I'll always wish that there were certain things I had done. For example, I wish I would've stayed awake just awhile longer. At least I could've asked Spike why he left me laying out here naked, his jacket my only warmth, just so I could watch the sun die down and the grass stop dancing.   
  
I've stayed out here for quite some time. I watched the sun go back down and the moon come back up. I've thought long and hard and realized that he was using me for his own pleasure, maybe to get rid of some of the sexual frustration he's had ever since he lost Julia. He made me feel good though. In his eyes, I saw people and places I had never seen before. He spoke a language I had never heard before. His touch was something new to me. It was like jumping off of a cliff and looking down at your destination. You know you'll fall hard and end your life quickly and you're afraid of the jagged rocks that'll be pierced into your body. But then, you smile and realize you won't be able to feel anymore. I jumped off a cliff with Spike. We knew where we would land and we were afraid and happy at the same time. But then, we were surprised. We landed somewhere else. The point of no return. We rolled in our fields of lust and smiled because we got what we wanted.  
  
I felt helpless. He probably felt bad for what he was doing, so he started crying. He felt sorry for me and I hated knowing that. I could never let someone walk all over me and get away with it, so why was I letting this happen?  
  
What happened last night shouldn't have happened. I was not ready to handle such a powerful blow. It feels like I've been knocked down. The realization that Spike had wandered inside of me and left without closing the door, took all of my air away.

.

I've sat in this same spot on the same planet for 12 straight hours. I didn't know what to feel at the moment. I was too angry to cry and besides what good would that do? It would only make me much weaker and if I were to step lower I'd surely collapse. I bit my lip and narrowed my eyes in my scenic surrounding and felt like everything was laughing at me. I collected my clothes and walked to my ship half-dressed. I didn't care what people had to say about me at the moment. Once inside the Redtail, I fired up the engine and roared back to the Bebop.

.

"Hey Faye-Faye! Guess who came back?!"   
  
Ed jumped around waving her arms in front of my face. I ignored her and walked towards my room.  
  
"What's going on Faye?"   
  
Jet walked down the hallway carrying machine parts in his hand.  
  
"Spike disappears, then you disappear, what's next? Where were you, anyway?"  
"Where's Spike?" I placed my hand on the doorknob. I had to ask even though I was certain he wasn't still on the ship.  
"He went out to buy some cigarettes, he'll be back."  
"Can't wait."  
  
I entered my room and threw his jacket to the far corner. I kicked my shoes off and angrily flung them at the walls, leaving a couple of cracks from the sharp heels. Grabbing my towel off of the floor I walked into the bathroom and decided that I wanted to wash the trace of his skin off me. It was contaminating. It was fatal.   
  
Before stepping into the shower, I looked at myself in the mirror. Lines of black ran down my cheeks and I blushed at my disheveled appearance. No one has ever had this effect on me. No one was ever able to make me cry. I needed to get rid of this weak disease.

.

Jet had told me when I was finished that the crew on the ship was heading out for a bounty he's been keeping his eye on. In his words, this person "wasn't so simple" and he didn't work alone, so he needed everyone, with the exception of Ed to be there.   
  
Out of the corner of my eye, I stared at Spike. He lazily smoked his new cigarettes with no expression on his face. I didn't feel like working on a mission with him, and I doubt that he was excited about working with me. To him, last night didn't exist.   
  
At 2:00 a.m. We were to head back to the infamous planet Jupiter. I dressed warmly, gathered my weapon and stepped out into the hallway with his jacket in my hand. I saw him in the living room shuffling through furniture as if he was looking for something. I knew what he was looking for. His untied necktie slung around his neck and his yellow sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. Leaning against the wall, I hid in the dark hallway and lit a cigarette.  
  
"It's cold in Jupiter Spike. You'll need your jacket."  
  
My voice startled him and he dropped the couch pillows he was holding. He gave a dumb look.  
  
Quickly, I walked up to him and threw it hard against his chest.  
  
"Looking for this?!"   
  
He moved back a little and clutched the fabric with a guilty look on his face.   
  
"I'm sorry Faye. I wasn't thinking when I did that. I-"  
  
Walking off towards the Redtail, I left him back there trying to explain everything. I felt like I had power over him but I wasn't enjoying it. Checking my loaded gun I smiled at the thought of being able to get rid of all my anger tonight. I wouldn't screw up this bounty. Spike walked past my ship and boarded his own. He didn't care to look at me. Bastard. I wish I had never met him.   
We set off to the blazing blue planet once more and I shivered at the sight of it. It was a disgusting place that I didn't want to be around. I looked over at Spike who was riding next to me. He didn't look too happy about the destination either. Then again, he was probably upset about doing this mission with me.


	9. Creep

****

The Lucky Ones - 9 - Creep

__

"I've still got your kiss, burning on my lips."  
- The Cult

There are so many definitions for physical attraction that I have come up with. Spike was my eye candy. Something I could swallow whole and wish for more. He was like the drink that satisfied my incredible thirst for life. Too bad I didn't notice that he was marked with a label entitled "POISON" before I gulped him down in one session.  
  
Jet had gone his own way and told Spike and I to stick together. While we were searching, we didn't talk at all. He walked with his gun clenched in both hands pointed towards the ground, his arms stuck to his sides. He looked so professional. But wait, what was I saying? He was a professional. Born to hurt people and walk away. His work was really cut out for him.  
  
I watched his boots sink into the heavy snow beneath us. The heels reached the frozen earth below and let out crunching sounds. It was almost peaceful, gazing at the footprints he left in the white blanket around us. I wanted to freeze life and count all the indentations he left in the universe and then notice how my footsteps were always following his.  
  
"Alright, this is the spot Jet told us to look out for." Spike spoke in his normal tone.  
  
A dark alleyway rested ahead of us. From my distance I could see a dim green trash bin at the end and a broke-down side-entrance to a dirty pub.   
  
We both found our way through the street hallway easily, carefully stepping over broken glass bottles and tin garbage lids on the dirt. The bin wasn't pressed against the wall all the way and Spike suggested that we hide behind it, until the bounty exits the bar's side door. I didn't argue, I quickly climbed behind it, sat on the ground, and pretended to look busy with the sliding mechanism of my gun. He sat a little across from me, watched what I was doing for awhile then lit a cigarette.   
  
I wanted to ask him why he did it. Why he introduced me to pleasure and left me to meet pain alone. How could he show me the world and then snatch it away from me? Even if I didn't ask him those exact questions, this mess was going to end. His hair blocked his eyes from mine and his attention was focused on his lighter which he was lighting and then killing. That's all he did. Flicker. No flicker. Flicker. No flicker.

.

It's hard to understand how he could ignore me so easily. If I asked him, I'd never get a straight answer. I wondered what it was like to be him for a day. No doubt, it'd be much easier than being Faye Valentine.   
  
I licked the cold air off my lips and prepared to have a verbal one-on-one assault with him.  
  
"Spike. Do you know what it's like to see something you want? I mean, it's close enough to touch, but it's too far away to feel?"  
  
He didn't answer, just continued flipping the cap on the silver box on and off.   
  
"God damn it! ANSWER ME!"  
  
Slapping the lighter out of his hand, I watched his emotionless expression. It seemed that nothing was going to affect him anymore. After a moment of silence, he opened his mouth.  
  
"If you didn't care to notice Faye, there's a huge part of my life that was taken from me. Now do YOU know what it feels like to wake up each morning and realize that you had perfection for the shortest while, but it slipped away? Do you know what it's like to live on the fact that a mistake you made cost you everything you ever knew?"   
  
His voice, silent and cruel. His eyes, piercing daggers into my soul. It hurt to hear him talk this way. He was still stuck on Julia, probably forever.   
  
Sighing, I sat back against the wall roughly. The impact was sudden and a spurt of tears flowed from my eyes. I tried to conceal them quickly, but Spike already saw that I was crying. I heard the pub door open from where I was. He heard it too, but he wasn't moving. Wiping my face I grabbed my gun and peeked over the receptacle through burning light pink eyes. I saw the bastard we were after. Walking alone, hands tucked in his coat pocket.   
  
Not making a sound, I aimed the gun for his feet and fired two bullets into his foot. He fell to the ground screaming obscentities. I jumped from my hideout and cuffed him. I actually caught the one Jet's been watching. And Spike, he didn't notice. He was still sitting in that corner his face in his hands. I doubt that he was crying, but I don't think he was smiling either.

.

We had money now and I was hoping everything could return back to normal. Jet and Ed seemed oblivious to what was going on. They happily ate raw fish encircled with seaweed and steaming white rice. It looked good, but I couldn't eat. I sat there staring at my bowl not blinking. Spike sat in his room, polishing his gun with a used rag. It was as clean as anyone could get a weapon, but the silver shine didn't impress him.  
  
I thought that catching a bounty would finally make me feel like I was worth this coat of skin. It didn't. All I could think of was Spike asking me whether or not I had been in love before. He didn't know what I felt for him and it was obvious that he probably never would. To me, it just seemed like another normal day.  
  
At 12:00 a.m. everyone was in bed. Sound asleep. A clock on my wall ticked my life away as I watched the tail of it swoop from left to right quickly. Beyond the intense clacking, I heard Spike practicing his moves.  
  
I exited my room and stood by his open room door. All the lights were shut off, the moon shined on his cold tile floor. He kicked away his anger. I could see his muscles carved nicely in the dim light. His thin training pants flowed gracefully around his dancing body. Beads of white sweat trickled down his naked chest, and the sides of his hair clung to his head.  
  
Taking a small step into his room, I was surprised that he didn't notice me yet. I could've watched something like this over and over. The way he fiercly pushed away misery in a single punch. I narrowed my eyes and studied his room from my safe, dark distance. I saw a small picture of Julia resting on his bedside. It was a meloncholic sight, that and it was sweet. He really did care for this woman. He loved her with everything he had. Then at that moment I couldn't imagine what it was like to be him. To realize that the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with was not coming back to share it. I felt sympathy for him.  
  
"I know that you're in here."  
  
His voice startled me. It made my pulse stop.


	10. Milk

****

The Lucky Ones - 10 - Milk

__

"If you get too far inside, you'll only see my reflection." - Radiohead

All of the words I've tried to speak only fumbled from my lips and slid across the cold floor tile to his feet. He only looked down, embarrassed for me, that I had nothing to say. His breathing slowed down as he straightened his back and waited for me. I'm sure he knew what I was doing in there. I had grown to love the man, and the very sight of him made me weak at the knees. I could've stared at him forever and never get bored. I'm fascinated with the way his lips would slowly curve into smiles, or how his eyebrows would lower with each pound of anger that added to his mind.

It was easy to attack him, 'cause when one finds the weak spot of an individual a simple word can knock them down. And that word? Julia. All I had to do was utter it in a tone of disgust and he'd want to smash me into a wall, then run to his room and cry for her. 

"How did you know I was in here?" 

That was a dumb question. Spike can tell when someone on another planet was laughing or crying. He can sense the pain of an individual before they get hurt. That's just how he was. It was incredible. 

He didn't answer me, but instead walked slowly past my body and shut the door with a quick flick of his wrist. He then stood right in front of me, his eyes staring into mine without much interest. His naked heaving chest moving in and out in front of me. 

"I'm sorry." 

He spoke so quietly, that I almost didn't hear what he said. His warm breath spread upon my lips and sent chills running down my body and dying in my fingertips. I knew what he was apologizing for, and the fact that he had taken time to do so made me want to cry. 

"I do care about you Faye, it's just that I panicked the next morning. All I could think of was Julia but when I looked down and saw you, all I could think of was you." 

He told me that he was afraid he might forget about her one day. That the mountains would no longer carry paintings of her face and the wind wouldn't hold her whispers anymore.

"You don't have to live in the past Spike. You can continue with your life, and trust me. You wouldn't forget about her." 

Walking over to his bed, he sat down limply and silently cried. What is someone supposed to do at a moment like that? Stand there and watch? Try to comfort him or her? I didn't know what to say. All words had disappeared from my mouth, and I couldn't speak if I tried. Instead, I walked over to him and stroked his damp hair. 

I stood between his legs, pulled his head to my chest, and I hugged him. I felt his arms raise around me, his fingers wrapping around my waist and holding me tightly. He didn't cry like a child. More like a wounded soldier on a battlefield. Calmly, dispensing tears like a dripping faucet. He uttered that he missed her, but that I felt so good to him. After a moment of pure bliss he stood up and kissed me. It was a passionate kiss, and he resulted in slowly peeling away my clothing as I reached down and touched what made me beautiful. It was easy to feel all of him in his thin training pants, and feeling the blood flow through his body made me feel powerful. I could taste the tears on his skin and it was as if I had swallowed his pain. 

When we were both fully undressed, he laid upon the bed as I hovered over him and carressed his body innocently with my lips. We both were breathing heavily, and when I felt his long skilled fingers go lower I was in heaven. He was touching me in a place that no one had dared to touch and my soft whimpers gave him permission to keep doing so. I moved my head back towards his and kissed him again. Our mouths were delicately dancing to a song playing in our minds. I finally placed my hands upon his dripping chest and he entered me. 

We rocked back and forth intimately, as he leaned his back against the wall. His breath, warm on my ears sending more electric shocks to me. I loved them. My fingers became entangled in his hair, as he hugged me tightly. In this night, we had both told each other that we were infatuated with one another. We had entered together, lost in lust and love. Wandering cautiously, yet wildly, as our throes of passion took over. We were like two new children exploring the world together and finding out what it was like to see snow fall, or shiver from cold night winds.

The night was almost spent, and I retired in his arms. The room was humid and our sweat slicked bodies only made me want to do it all again. We were so close, I could feel his lower regions tightly pressed against me. I took his arm and pulled him into a firmer hug. We didn't sleep, just spoke words that I thought I'd never hear. I tried to memorize the feeling of having fingertips running down my body, or the feeling of having warm kisses pressed against my neck from Spike Spiegel. 

We didn't want to sleep, afraid we'd only wake up and find this was a dream. But it couldn't be. Right? 


	11. Wicked

****

The Lucky Ones - 11 - Wicked

__

"Everything is empty, and everything is so messed up." - Puddle of Mudd

I've seen movies of individuals on earth. Romance movies. The kind where they wake up next to each other, with the sun shining through yellow window curtains, as the camera trails from a floor scattered with clothes, to a bed with two lovers sprawled out on it. They awake and smile at each other. Pull each other close for a good morning kiss and send each other back to dreams.

The air conditioning of the Bebop was turned onto high, and I did not awake to warm sun rays infecting the room. We were in space, what was I to expect? I did find something worth seeing though.

My eyelids fluttered open slowly. The ship was traveling at its slow speed, and from the chamber windowpane I saw tiny stars whizzing past us. The room was cold, but Spike's body heat was enough to keep me alive through the harshest winters. I turned and looked at him, careful not to make a sound. Air passed into his lungs and escaped just as quickly. He was at peace, and I wondered what the world would be like to him if he never had to wake up. A look of satisfaction was on his face, and I smiled. He really did stay here with me, spent the night with me, held me and grinned.

It was 5:00, and I realized that Jet would be awake to make breakfast soon. What was I to do? Stay in bed and wait 'til Spike wakes up? Explain to Jet what was going on between us? Should I run back to my room quickly, and pretend it was just a normal day? No, I couldn't. I woke up still hating the world, but this time I was next to Spike and I loved it.

-

Looking down at my scrambled breakfast, I almost gagged. Ed ate it quickly, as if it was the best tasting thing in the world. Spike ate it too, but not as eagerly. Everytime he looked at me and smiled, he made me blind and I was able to scarf down the mixture. We had already caught a bounty that brought us the woolongs we needed, but Jet wasn't satisfied and we were after yet another.

After breakfast, Ed ran to her Tomato and brought up a picture of the shady couple we were after. It was a male and a female, and I wasn't too pleased when I saw that this girl resembled Julia. Spike stared at the picture longer than anyone else had, a cigarette in his hands, standing behind Ed's small body, blowing smoke down to the screen. I knew from the start, I'd have problems with this bitch.

-

We were to go undercover. Spike was to lure this woman in, and I had the goatee sporting murderer to catch. These people were lounging on Mars' scorching hot dirt. Inside a nearby club called the "Rizzo Box", dancers pounded against each other, their sweaty bodies rubbing skin against skin. They had the intent to go home and die in lust. All in all, this place was disgusting. A lost sex world, underground, which no one would leave alone.

Spike wandered off to the corner of the room and sat on a bar stool. Women payed no attention to him and that pleased me. Pulling my purse strap higher on my shoulders, I patted the bag to make sure my loaded gun was still inside of it. When the weapon check was confirmed, I walked into the crowd of people, where I saw a man dressed in a black suit scoping out the nearby singles. I made sure this man noticed me.

-

"So, do you come here often?" 

I shuddered at the thought that this asshole used this line everynight before killing innocent women. He had plans to make me his next pleading schoolgirl, but I had other ideas. Turning my back to him and smiling, I wondered how Spike was doing with his bounty.

"I'm a regular here, honey. I'm surprised you haven't noticed." Reaching for his cold hand, I led him out of the dancing circle to a less crowded area where I had a nice view of the bar.

The lanky man handed a couple bills to the bartender, turned around and innocently handed this Julia look-alike a drink. She smiled and took a sip from the glass, satisfied that as her tongue rolled across her lips, Spike gave her a craving look of lust. Suddenly, I couldn't tell whether or not he was faking it, or if she had reeled HIM in. 

"I said can I buy you a drink?" 

Snapping out of my state of jealousy and confusion, I nodded and we walked to the bar. I sat down calmy, but slammed my purse against the counter making sure I got Spike's attention. I did, however he just looked at me and away. Either he was really good at playing the role of a single guy, or he's got me in a crazed box of questions again. 

It was getting late, but the club seemed like it didn't close this soon. I set my glass down next to three others I had finished and slapped the hand that was placed on my thigh. The man had given up on me and walked back to the dancefloor searching for another victim. I didn't care, just continued watching the love show happening right in front of me. I thought that this mission would be easy, we'd go in, catch them, boom...we're buried in woolongs. That wasn't the case. Everytime I saw this woman run her fingers down the same face I had touched, I grew angrier. 

By the time I was seeing the room spin, Spike was ready to leave with this woman. I couldn't let that happen. Did he forget about the emotional moments we had together? Was I just being crazy, too drunk to see he's following Jet's orders? I don't know. The liquids did get the best of me, and as they walked from the bar I followed them.

"Excuse me."

I tapped the blonde on the shoulder. My balance wasn't great and my vision was a little blurry. 

"He's not really a single guy. We're both bounty hunters, and we're here to take you down."

Spike watched me in disbelief. I pulled my gun from my bag quickly and pressed it against her forehead. Someone screamed I had a gun, and the crowd began to scamper away like roaches frightened from human footsteps. I was so dizzy, the only thing I remembered was two gunshots being fired. One. The woman fell to the ground. Two. Spike fell next.


	12. Violent

****

The Lucky Ones - 12 - Violent

__

"Follow the leader down, and swallow your pride and drown." - Unwritten Law

Lives were so easy to take away and when I watched lightblue gunsmoke flow from my weapon, I've never been so scared. Her body slumped to the floor lazily. A bullet had entered her left cheek and exited her skull. Her golden strands of hair covered the untouched side of her face and the only thing dancers were blessed with seeing was blood and brains scattered over the neatly polished tile.

I dropped the gun quickly and backed away to examine my work. I then noticed that Spike was hunched below me, grasping his arm and wincing in pain but not so much screaming in agony. The man whom I tried seducing fled the scene once the word "bounty hunters" was heard. How he could hear through the blaring music, I'm not sure. He must've panicked when he saw me approach this dead sleeping beauty.

Bending down, I touched Spike's shoulder. He was breathing quickly and sweat dripped down the side of his face. The room was humid and time was frozen as customers rushed to the exit and others knelt beside the body.

"Are you ok?" My voice was breaking and my lips were dry.

"I'm fine..I just..."

He looked over at the crowd around our bounty and yelled at them.

"Don't touch her! The paramedics will be here." 

He then turned back to me. 

"Look, this place is going to be crawling with cops. You go search for that other guy, and I'll stick around here to explain things."

"But, I don't know where he--"

He grabbed my hand and turned his discolored eyes towards me. His hair was damp, his grip tight on his own limbs.

"Faye." He interrupted. "Just go." 

-

Outside of the eerily silent bar it was hotter than usual. The night was dark and the streetlamps only projected a faded yellow glow on the broken sidewalk. I didn't know where I'd find this man. I'm on a planet I didn't know and deciding on the first place to search was kind of hard. Most stores were either closed for the night or had gone out of business. 

After I was mintues from the club, I came across a bench which was begging for company so I sat my tired, murderous form down. What's the point in looking for this man? I don't think Spike sent me out to find him anyway. He probably thought I was going to do more damage and keep spraying bullets. It was clear he was upset that I had killed the bounty but he tried his best to keep his calm and even managed to smile at me as he pushed me towards the exit.

I stayed outside in the dry weather for as long as I could. I decided that this criminal wasn't dumb. He probably hightailed it out of this hell. With that in mind I walked back to the murder scene.

-

Bright yellow police tape covered every inch of the building and a burly officer stood by the entrance blocking off any intruders. When I tried to get through he said no one was entering the club. I explained that I was hunter. That I was after the woman who was killed. He didn't know I was the one who did it, and he seemed like a rookie so he shrugged it off and let me through.

Celing fans and light fixtures buzzed silently. Through all the chatter of newspaper reporters and local bar yuppies crying to get inside, everything seemed quiet. I walked past people questioning me and tried not to notice her sprawled out body. After asking the bartender where the "wounded man" was, I continued onto some back rooms and came upon a small office. Memos written on old paper were pasted to the door, and inside the cubicle Spike sat on the desk wrapping his arm with tape he was given from paramedics. His shirt and jacket had been removed and I could see blood steaming down his arm. No doubt it looked painful, but he didn't seem to mind.

"You know, they'll clean your arm for you out there." I set my gun next to him and tried to act casual. I didn't want to show that I was afraid he wasn't going to speak to me.  


"No, I don't trust people touching my blood."

He finished winding the bandage and reached for his clothing. 

"We need to get out of here, before they realize one of us did it." He hurriedly button his shirt, sloppily draped his necktie around him and headed towards the door.

"Wait, Spike. You don't think I did that on purpose, did you?"

He sighed and let go of the doorknob.

"This is hardly the place to discuss this Faye."

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to kiss and make up with him before we headed back but I realized that was almost impossible. He didn't react to my voice, and his vision never noticed my half-naked heaving body in front of him.

"She was just a bounty Spike. Don't think about it so much." The idea of referring to a human being as nothing was not something I'd usually say, much less think. I looked around the room for something to pacify his needs. "Here." I grabbed his hand and let his index finger run down my slippery stomach. "Think about this instead."

He looked around nervously as if someone were to see us. No one could see us though. It was just us in the dark room. Soon enough, I didn't have to lead his hands, as he found his own way without much trouble.

I slyly locked the door and ran my fingers along his growing erection. He was trembling in my hands and the feeling of doing something bad only made us continue. Before I knew it, I was unzipping his pants, my face so close to his pelvis, I could almost smell his excitement. 

I took a deep breath before I made love to him with my mouth. I realized that I wouldn't be able to keep escaping my problems in crazy fantasies, but he tasted so good. His moaning was wonderful. His hands ran through my hair, and cupped my face. 

"We.." His breathing was hard, and he soon began to follow the rhythm of my mouth with his slow, gentle thrusts. "...shouldn't be doing this."

"Shh." I told him. Just a while longer. 

Standing up, I kissed him deeply and passionately. Though he wanted to leave, the excitement was incredible. I breathed heavily against his ear and told him I wanted to continue what we did last night. I had only imagined him thrusting me against the nearby desk, ripping off my sweat infested clothes and pounding away my memories.

I ran my finger down his arm, careful not cause extra pain to the wound. We held each other tightly, and were both surprised when a knock came to the door. 

"Spike are you in there?"

It was strange to hear Jet's voice, as we didn't imagine him to show up. Spike quickly zipped his pants and responded. 

"Uh yeah. Just gimme' a second."

"Is Faye in there too? What the fuck happened out here?" 


	13. Monster

****

The Lucky Ones - 13 - Monster  
  
  
_"So tell me what do I need when the words lose their meaning..." _  
- Jimmy Eat World

Jet had advised us to move away from the humid, sweat infested bar and soon enough we were seated on a rusted park bench while he scolded us. We were like school children in detention, Spike and I. Sensing guilt was even easy to see on his usually calm face. The moon was slowly disappearing, and I knew that in a few hours the scorching sun would make us gasp harder for air.  


"When I hand you guys simple missions, you make them so fucking difficult. How the hell did you screw up with this one?"  


I flinched a little, whenever the burly man's voice rose. I didn't like having him yell at us. It reminded me of the father I've never had. The discipline I had to learn on my own. My laundry I had to do myself, my meals which I had to gather alone.  


None of us spoke. Spike calmly lit a cigarette and blew out the smoke, making the air around us seem even hotter. His shirt sleeves were rolled up, and he clenched his jacket in his other hand. Green strands of hair were matted to his head, and droplets of sweat trickled down his face. No matter what his appearance was, he almost seemed to pull it off elegantly. I glanced down at my own dishevled appearance. Though no mirrors, or reflections of me were present I knew what to expect. Mascara running down my cheeks, hair glued to the side of my face. Sweat resting above my upper lip. The face of jealousy, yet the face of pure and simple innocence. Love maybe. I didn't know.   


After 10 more minutes of pointless yelling, Jet walked away in disgust muttering about the lack of food on the bebop. I still sat there, watching him shuffle his feet against the dirt, his body bouncing up and down, disappearing into the dark. I then moved my eyes to my side and looked at him. Same position, new cigarette. He wasn't speaking to me, and the heat of the planet was becoming unbearable. I thought about getting up to leave. To retreat back into the cold space air, and maybe hover over nothing while I decide what to do. The earth's crystal stars would shine my way, and I wouldn't be perspiring my weight on a rusted bench.   


"Spike, I um. I'm going to go. It's too hot for me to think here."  


I got up from my sitting position and looked at him. He just nodded and continued inhaling his new disease.  


"Are you going to stay here forever?"   


"No." His voice wasn't raspy like I expected. It was like he was in any other climate, enjoying the view of his environment.  


"Then you're coming back to the Bebop?"  
"Eventually."  


I tried nodding happily. Smiling and showing him that I didn't care if he came with me at the exact moment. With that, I continued down the same trail Jet took. I had to dodge a couple of TV reporters and some angry clubhoppers eyeing me angrily. They knew that I was to blame for ruining their night of passionate fuck dancing. Oh well.

-

Back on the ship, I was relieved to have a cold burst of air splash my face upon my entrance. There were no signs of Jet anywhere, but I knew that he must be stripping his beloved Bonsai.  


"Faye-Faye!"  
  
  
Ed emerged from the dark hallway and embraced me. My damp skin seemed to cling to hers, as if begging me to take me with her. I'd love to see the world she does. To smile all the time, even when she hadn't eaten for days. I emptily patted the top of her head and continued towards my room where I decided to hide for a couple of weeks.  
  
  
-  
  
  
I have taken showers before. Back when I used to take them, I felt clean. Rejuvenated. Now, for some reason it seems the more I rub the pain away, the more unclean I get. I can't forget about the harsh way I killed that woman. Even if she was a bounty, my actions were unnecessary. I remember how the bullets entered her so quickly, that the expression on her face didn't even change. She fell to the floor looking up at God, as if asking for forgive-ness for the life of crime she's led.  


"Crazy bitch. She deserved it."  


I mumbled that to myself everytime I tried to go to sleep. I couldn't understand it though. I couldn't seem to face the world anymore. I was turning into a monster and once Spike was out of my grasp I lost control. I felt more sensitive. My mattress was like cement to my delicate limbs, scarring me for no reason. My pillow was none existent and even if I had good dreams, they'd escape from my mind as quick as dandelion fluff in the wind.  


After awhile, I heard Spike return to the ship. He didn't speak to anyone, but his footsteps were familiar to my ears. Almost like how earthians new what the slamming of their house door sounded like, or what their lover's voice whispered late at night. I knew though, when he'd come back he wouldn't stay.  


He seemed to get a thrill out of entering and leaving and though I never knew it, he wanted me to come with him. To finally leave the Bebop and come and go as we please. To see waterfalls and live in small cottages like only fairytales perceive. He knocked on my door numerous times, he said. I was always asleep. There was one night though, I had an invitation to freedom. But I was a threat to myself. I could almost hear God singing to me as Spike's knuckles silently pounded against my door. I couldn't get out of bed. I wanted to, but my body wasn't working. Instead I cried. I made my whimpers overcome his knocking and I pretended to be asleep.


	14. Lucky

****

The Lucky Ones - 14 - Lucky

__

"Tap in the code, I'll reach you below. No one should brave the underworld alone."

- POE

Days didn't feel like anything to me anymore. I quickly zipped the duffel bag which held my personal belongings and looked out the window of my room. I saw nothing. Stars which were familiar, friends I thought of as family. Blackness. Nothing. The moon which sucked up the light and the sun who spit it in our faces. 

I've thought about life on Earth. Carefree, digging my heels into the crusted dirt below me. To wash my face each morning with the cool splash of Heaven's water and not have to worry about a bounty or lacking money. Yes, I've thought about it so much. 

Silently collecting my bag, I walked through the Bebop like a ghost living in the hallway. I wonder what they would think if they saw me leave? Would they try to stop me or shrug and wave goodbye? I felt bad for what I was doing. I felt selfish, but for my whole life I've existed only as the happiness for others. I needed to escape this "happy" sequence. The way I conformed to everything around me. Walked on stones underwater just to appear taller. Saying words I didn't mean, just to show I was interested in having someone to talk to.

I'm Earthbound.

It wasn't a question in my mind as to whether or not I'd miss Ed, Jet, Spike or even Ein for that matter. My only regret is that Spike will return and I won't be here. We wouldn't be able to say goodbye to each other. I wouldn't get to feel that beautiful reality every time our hands touched.

-

As usual, midnight air was freezing, and I wasn't comfortable sitting on my ice cold leather seats of the Redtail. I jammed my bag behind me and started the ignition. It was loud. Like fire cutting through fields of snow. I was hoping that my screeching escape wouldn't awake the clan, but in case it did, I hurriedly sped off.

-

I didn't know where to stay for the night. Not somewhere in space. Not lingering in the dark and sitting behind the wheel and dozing off. I headed towards Earth, since I figured I belonged there anyway. Pretty soon I was in a lush area, with real people. Civilization to the extreme. Fast food joints and late-night motels hung in every corner.

No one was surprised to see a red ship land in the parking lot of a local bookstore. They figured there were felons who'd escape to this whole new world and I was out there to get them.

I calmly jumped out of the vehicle and strolled down the brightly lit sidewalk. I passed several shops, those of bakers or tailor artists. I passed a festival of lights and heard children happily screaming for the sweet smell of cotton candy. It was happy there. But I kept walking.  
  


For a moment, I thought I had seen Spike pass me in this big crowd. I was tired though, and I must've been seeing things. My energy lowering, I scuffled to a sidewalk curb, sat down and stared at the house in front of me. The yellow lights inside were slowly fading and soon enough I realized people were returning to _their_ homes.

"Hmm. Home." The words escaped from my lips before I even knew it, and I was in awe at the urban neighborhood surrounding me.

"Yes..home. Why aren't you there?" 

I looked up quickly and saw Spike putting out a cigarette with the heel of his shoe. He then sat down beside me.

"You know, they don't have carnivals like these ones where we're from." He tried to strike up a friendly conversation.

"No." I replied sadly and slowly. "That's because we're coming from nowhere."

He probably didn't know what I was talking about. Just arched an eyebrow at me and agreed. 

"What's with this?" He slid his foot over and nudged the soft bag with the tip of his boot. 

I decided that beating around the bush would get me nowhere. If he wanted to laugh at me for dreaming, it wouldn't matter. I just wish he'd come with me.

"I..um..I'm leaving Spike." 

I fixed my eyes on the cold cement. If I looked at him, the whole mission would be impossible. But I didn't get a snide remark from him. I didn't even get some sympathy. He chewed the bottom of his lip and studied the house I pondered. 

"Well..." He replied digging in his pocket for another cigarette. "One last smoke together?" 

He held out the broken package of cigarettes as two dangled out. I tried to smile happily, but it only came out as a sad grin. We sat there and smoked, losing ourselves in the dark moonlight and the white cancerous clouds around us. The night was beautiful. The sky seemed peaceful, but I knew what horrid truths lie behind the stars. 

We talked and talked. About huge things. About little things. He understood my reasons fully, even without details. He then commented that he'd better return to the Bebop. We both flicked our cigarettes onto the street strewn across us. The two orange lights flickered until they were dead. I didn't stay and watch them die though, maybe they're still out there dancing on the street.


	15. Parox

The Lucky Ones - 15 - Parox

_"If you love me at all, please don't tell me now."_  
- Jimmy Eat World

I've been clouded by cigarette smoke and killed by dreams. I've been blinded by cheap imitations of what a summer sun is. As I walk the empty star-stricken roads of this hollow earth, I know that nothing is going to make me turn back. If I can withstand watching Spike walk away for what could be forever, then I guess I could handle anything.

I've spent a lot of time just sitting in that huge red ship and wasting away in my room. I don't want to do that again, but I don't know how to live a "normal" life. I wish I had something to actually do; sit and look at photographs of a family that didn't exist, or write unsent love letters to nobody on the other side of the galaxy. I didn't have anyone though, and even if I had that lanky bastard for a couple of minutes...that's all it was.

I hadn't frequented Earth often, and I was lost. Though nobody was outside, tons of vehicles rested in hospital parking lots and motels with no vacancy. Before I knew it, I was back in my ship cruising silently to a deserted foreign side of the world.

-

When I quietly stepped out of my parked Red Tail I narrowed my eyes to the lush valley of green before me. Flowers I'd never seen before sprouted beneath my toes and returned to their standing position when I stepped off of them. The stars and moon seemed to only shine on one side of a greedy sky, and the other was left stark naked and black. It was quite easy to judge what half of this land was a realm of insanity and which held sheer beauty. It was like standing before my mind and noticing how I kept memories bunched on one side of my brain and a whole dripping cove on the other. Still, these wildflowers are everywhere and even without light, they're still growing.

The heels of my boots squished in the wet ground below and I realized that sudden downpours of rain had greeted this place. Water soaked into my shoes and froze my feet, but I didn't seem to mind. I heard strange noises as I wandered around. It was only the wind though. Perhaps welcoming me into a new life and congratulating my will to live.

-

Sauntering through the knee-high creamy leafs of innocent blooming buds, I thought of nothing and everything at the same time. My train of thought was interrupted as a jet flew loudly over my head. The sudden noise of an engine roaring frightened me at first, so I withdrew my gun from its holster and walked with it clasped in my hand. It wasn't long before I was growing tired. This field seemed to go on forever and my ship was already out of site. Imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon a ice cold river flowing violently through jagged rocks and drenched dirt.

Sighing in moderation I had no urge to disrupt nature at its best. I sat on the damp grass and removed my shoes. I thought of all the steps I'd taken in my used feet and in disgust I jammed my toes into cold water below. Gasping at its ability to freeze my veins, I soon was used to this and I closed my eyes and washed away my footprints.

-

The sound of leaves rustling was surrounding me and when I suddenly heard a male voice, I scattered to my feet.

Turning quickly, I saw Spike rumbling through the flowers, crushing them cruelly under his heels as he stared at a device in his hand.

"Where are you?" He spoke to himself, his eyes focused on the gadget. I didn't say anything, only watched him approach me without knowing I was there. When he finally was close enough to smell, he tried giving a warm smile at me, but it only came out twisted. Throwing the machine into the air, he caught it with his other hand.

"I knew I'd find you."

I nodded.

"You're quite good at this."

"No, don't give all the credit to me." He held out the silver box. "Thank Ed who's smart enough to come up with devices who's soul purpose is only to find the one and only Faye." He then tucked it into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette.

"So, why are your shoes off?"

I gazed down, embarrassed at my bare feet and quickly collected my boots.

"My feet were sore, that's all."

He nodded, narrowed his eyes and blew smoke from the corner of his mouth.

"Amazing what cold water can do to you, eh?" Walking past me, he sat lazily on the ground near the stream, and flicked the river's waves with his fingers.

"What are you doing here? I mean, why did you come to find me?" I threw out a series of questions as I stood on one leg attempting to get my foot into my boot. He didn't answer at first, only stared dreamy-eyed at the valley beyond the deep current.

I asked a couple more times, but still got no response. I finally sat beside him and wrapped my fingers around my gun I had delicately laid in the grass previously. Without saying anything, he turned towards me, his cigarette laced between his fingers. He wanted to kiss me, and I obeyed without much of a fight.

-

We ran alongside the river, hand in hand like two school-children in love. It was strange how life always turned out. I spun around in the air, reliving a childhood I had never met. We spoke of nothing, too embarrassed to give reasons on running away.

He then stopped walking and I ran back up to him.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just...I've decided I want to stay here with you."

I thought that's what he was going to do in the first place, but I was still a little shocked. Without saying much afterwards, he drew his gun from its holster and dropped it in the running water below us. Though it was too dark for vision, I could see a thousand lives sinking to the bottom for a proper burial.

"Maybe now we won't be thought of as murderers."

He smiled smugly, and I knew that words wouldn't be able to describe what I felt at the moment. But we ran...we ran and ran until we were tired and then we fell asleep. Tangled in grass; wildflowers as our blankets.

-

I never would be able to say in detail the way he makes me feel. When his touch clouds up my memories to points where I don't think I could breathe. We were free now, living together and though I had left behind the only family I had known, things were easier this way. Waking up in the morning and being the rarest breed on this earth. Two kids fallen from space, living on land where one half of the sky is dark and the other is bright.

It was perfect.

-

I didn't want to wake up. I didn't know what was going on. The Bebop was hot and the morning sounds of breakfast seeped into my room door. Sluggishly, I fumbled out of bed and sank deep into a glory star shower.

Cold water enveloped me, and I thought of the river I washed myself in. A couple minutes later, I realized everything had been a dream. I felt like I slept forever, and I might've died happy if those visions were the only thing left in my mind. Reaching beneath me, I squashed the soap beneath my fingers.

It was a severe case of Deja vu, and once again I was interrupted by Spike's incessant knocking on the door.

"You're not the only one on this ship Faye."

Closing my eyes tightly, I shivered his voice away, but then suddenly smiled when I realized what events would soon follow.

It's safe to say that I would soon fall in love. Spike and I would be where we were once again, who knows, maybe something like this could actually happen. We would awake together always and never know what the word "hurt" meant. Some people never get to live life the way they want, and even if I wasn't happy in this cold bath I knew what to expect.

"Damn it Faye!"

Spike yelled through the door once more, and I smiled and yelled back.

"I'll be out in a minute! Jesus!"

We'd be in love. Oh how great that would be. Me and Spike...the lucky ones.

_---_

_"Is he real or a ghost-lie? She feels she isn't heard. And the veil tears and rages, 'til her voices are remembered and his secrets can be told."_  
- LUST, Tori Amos

**The End**

**-  
A/n:** I know that a lot of readers were upset with the ending of the story. 4 years ago it seemed to be a sweet and fitting ending. Not very original, though. I realize that now. I hate those "dream" endings. Hopefully my writing has improved throughout these 4 years enough to produce more appropriate, complex endings. Thanks for reading.


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